Via Lulu Trevena on Elephant Journal May 23, 2015
Warning: Naughty language ahead!
All women need iron ovaries or balls. Lady-balls.
What do I mean by “lady-balls”?
These are not the physical appendages swinging between a man’s legs. Lady-balls represent clear determination, speaking our truth and not ever pussy footing around. They represent engaging with the world in a way that demands respect.
Men have all the rights and privileges that come with balls, but society still shuns women with “balls”. We are accused of being cold, hard, bitches, self-serving, demanding ball-breakers—and worse.
Women with lady-balls are the antithesis of those things, because lady balls represent presence, poise, dignity, self-love and self-honoring. A woman with “balls” knows who she is, is present in her body, secure in her Self and honors all parts of her. A balance of Yin-Yang. The ovaries balance the balls.
The sad truth is that women still hold back: at work, at home and in social settings. “I don’t want to be seen as a complainer” is a mantra ingrained in many women—so deeply ingrained that we don’t even know it’s there. This is both suppression and oppression and it is rampant.
“Being nice” is the all too common path women take, but this sort of compliancy is a tight noose.
How nice is “nice”, really?
When I only say nice things regardless of how I really feel, a discomfort grows within me and I begin to feel suffocated. “Nice” dulls my experience of life. “Nice” makes me feel enraged. Smiling and swearing under my breath feels like I am living a life of inauthenticity—the polar opposite of full self-expression.
This lack of self-expression began to manifest physically, so I booked an ultrasound for my throat.
This is not my normal way to approach body ailments, but I had exhausted my options. The asphyxiating feeling was so physically debilitating that it was the first time in my life I have actually feared for my health.
Finally I decided to “ask” my body what was going on after nothing showed up on the test. Little by little, the reason was revealed to me: I was suffocating my full self-expression. Miss Nice Girl was strangling me and slowly and silently killing me. And I was letting it happen.
I needed to break free. I needed to find and reclaim my lady-balls. When I did, my world changed.
Here are some of the benefits I’ve received since growing my lady-balls:
1. When I speak my truth, I can really go for my dreams, goals and desires. We cannot create what we do not dare to speak.
2. My voice is powerful when I speak my truth. People listen.
3. In a group conversation, all points of view are equal. Speaking mine has had wonderful consequences that I would never have discovered if I didn’t share.
4. Has the “bitch” word come my way? Once or twice. But I don’t take it personally. It is actually a low consciousness attack and is a reflection of another’s fear. Not my circus; not my monkeys.
5. Since I’ve been speaking my truth, there is less anger in my life. Anger is an emotion and we are all entitled to feel it. We must give ourselves permission to feel it, acknowledge it and let it out. Our expression of anger is very personal. Journaling, screaming into a pillow, dancing it out or meditating are all options. Stuffing it down or swallowing it is just fuel for more anger. Nothing positive grows in the dark.
6. The need to gossip has been eliminated. If an issue needs solving, I go to the person directly rather than using my energy dragging it around and rehashing it over and over again. This is a hard one because it goes directly against our deeply ingrained need to please and be liked, but all the time freed up through renouncing gossip is space I can use to go for my dreams. What’s more, I’ve noticed my friendships growing deeper.
7. Bringing the car to the shop has become a completely different—and more positive—experience. I expect the same quality of service and treatment from any business I engage with.
8. Having a pair of balls has allowed me to speak up and ask for support when I need it.
9. I have the freedom to delegate, and no longer have to try to do it all myself.
And most importantly:
10. When I am strong enough to speak my truth, I am honoring and respecting myself. I own what I need in the form of sincere self-care.
While it is important to remember that boldness is needed everywhere, aggression is not. We can’t get the two confused.
Now self-expressed, I no longer hold my tongue like “nice girls” should. I am exploring all my long held dreams as if my life depends on it.
As the months pass, I have felt more spaciousness and freedom in my throat. I can breathe again! While women may not want to actually be men, it’s certain that when we “grow some balls”, the positive repercussions are endless.
Come join me! Stop holding back and grow a pair, girls.
The world needs all of us to be our authentic, self-expressed, amazing selves.